My attachment to Emotionally Unavailable Men
Last night (Thursday) I finally got around to watching Sunday’s episode of Dexter. It was a great episode, although it was vexing that Dexter’s internal dialogue didn’t match the episode title, which it usually does. The end of the episode left me in tears and was a major development of Dexter’s character.
******************************** SPOILER ALERT**********************************
At the end of the episode (3X04, “All in the Family”), Dex proposes to Rita and her kids. It is a very beautiful scene, complete with smiles, tears, hugs and a very well-worded and thought out proposal. It literally brought me to tears. I was watching it thinking, “I really wish a man would have those feelings for me!” And then it hit me. Duh Sonya! He’s totally faking it. Don’t get me wrong, I knew all along it was hollow, after all the guy is a serial killer and his words were ripped off from a stalker/killer in the episode. And yet, there still was a part of me that flirted with the idea that I would be willing to tolerate Dexter’s “Dark Passenger” in exchange for the promise of being in a relationship with a man that would treat me well as he treats Rita.
Later I was lying in bed, unable to sleep (big surprise) and it really hit me. How sad that a freakin’ fictional serial killer would make a better boyfriend than 99% of the men that I have dated. WTF?????? What is wrong with the picture here? What kind of men am I attracted to if I am convinced that dating Dexter Morgan would be a better alternative than the men in my past??? I started to wonder if other fictional characters I have had a crush on were just as bad. Keep in mind that I am NOT TALKING ABOUT THE ACTORS, but the characters they play/played.
****************MY EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE CRUSHES*********************
Data, ST:TNG – Data was an android incapable of feeling emotion. Well, for the majority of the series lifetime anyway. I don’t remember when the crush started, but I remember an episode when Data explores having a girlfriend. A lot of the things he did for her were incredibly thoughtful and even “sweet”. He was attentive, complimentary, often looking to please her. It was cute. Dating him would have many advantages. He would never forget a birthday or anniversary; he would learn about everything that interests you; and he is fully functional after all. But it would all be part of a program in his positronic net, not actions based on a real heart or mind.
Angel, Buffy TVS – Angel was a 200 year old hottie vampire with a thing for the slayer. (Long before there was Edward, there was Angel.) That soulful look, the absolute sexual vibe that radiated from every inch of his body, OMG he was hot. I fell for him the first time they showed him. I remember freaking out when Buffy first found out he was a vampire. It was devastating. He was so good looking, mysterious, and he was protective. Finding out that his secret broke so many female viewer’s hearts. But we all still wanted him. At the time I had not had as much experience with hot, sexy, powerful men that are bad boys on the outside and (emotionally) dead on the inside.
Jack Bauer, 24 – This man can stop a terrorist attack, save the life of a government official, and give a woman mulitple orgasm in the same day. What a complete stud!! He is patriotic, strong, intelligent, and is always the Good Guy, even when breaking the law. I fell for Jack the minute I saw that he was still concerned about his daughter’s safety even while tracking a nuclear bomb. That’s the kind of man I want!! Until I remember that he would not hesitate to fake his own death and walk away from his true love in order to protect his country. That’s a little too “Die Hard”, even for me. It’s sexy on television, but in real life it is heartbreaking.
Batman – The Dark Knight. Wow, just typing that makes my panties a little bit wet. The guy is just shy of perfect. Tall, dark, handsome, rich, intelligent. He has a fantastic house, is very well eduated and very much in shape. Batman has always been my favorite superhero because he is just a regular person fighting criminals. He was not exposed to Gamma radiation, he was not bitten by a radio active spider, he was not from the planet Krypton. He is 100% human and just wants justice in the world. All of these reasons are why I liked Batman. Plus, let’s all admit that Bruce Wayne is WAY cooler and hotter than Clark Kent and Peter Parker. But dating Batman would be a difficult thing for a woman. He’d be running round all night, fighting, getting wounded. It would be difficult to make plans. Most importantly, he has still not healed from his parent’s murder. Witnessing such a violent, senseless crime caused major damage to his emotional well being.
Now I just need to find out why my crushes were not the “healthy” people in these shows instead. Why didn’t I go for the normal men on these shows if there were any? that would have the time and the emotinal maturity to make a good boyfriend. Geordi (ST:TNG) who is a really nice man and would make a wonderful father and husband; Zander (Buffy: TVS) who is silly and loyal, or Superman, who falls for a girl and marries her.
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