Back to the Blogging World

•June 2, 2012 • Leave a Comment

I’m not entirely sure why I stopped posting.  I put something up when I bought my condo – then came one thing after another and eventually I just forgot I had a “blog”. Every once and a while I would remember it and I would want to at least update it a bit, if not post something new, but maybe hide some of the more embarssing things I put on here.  But I could not remember the password or even the e-mail address that I set it up with, so I would let it go for a while.

So eventually I thought I had to do something about this and I finally hacked my way into the account. Come to think of it, I signed in earlier this week and I still can’t think of the password now.  I did update the e-mail, so at least I can click on the forgot password link now.

Anyway, I don’t have as much of a need to vent as I used to, but I still have some things to say.  It’s more about my personal therapy than entertaining anyone else.

Anything to keep me occupied and to prevent me from calling my ex.  So some of what I write will most likely be about him – or even to him.

I miss him

•May 29, 2012 • Leave a Comment

This post is just for me.  Because I can only imagine that my friends are tired of hearing about how much I miss him.

But I do, I miss him so much.  Even though he broke my heart, got my hopes up, and then broke it again.  Even though I know that we need to choose someone that also chooses us.  Even though I should be a strong enough person to get by on my own and I should be able to find my own source of happiness and not rely on someone else to be that.  I miss him

I love his voice, his face, his smile.  I love the way he kisses.  It is straight out of a movie.  I love the way it feels in his arms.  He knows this and uses it to his advantage, but I love him anyway.

Without him, I have a giant hole in my chest.  It burns, it hurts, it threatens to pull me under.

Yesterday I decided that I would no longer call him or text him or email him.  He ignores me most of the time anyway. I’d rather he not call when I don’t call than have him not call when I do call.

I feel so pathetic.  I feel like I am chasing him, and I know it has to stop. I’ve been too weak to stop it before now and I don’t know if I am still too weak. I’ve been able to keep my promise to myself for a day or two, maybe three.  But I always break down.

And he will give me a certain amount of courtesy contact, but it doesn’t last.

This time hurts the worst because I know he lied to me about where he was going and that makes me so jealous and hurt.  This time hurst the worst because the last time I saw him he said he loved me.  And then we were together, and now he still doesn’t want to talk.

I think he used me.

…..but I still miss him.

I found a ladybug corpse today….

•March 21, 2009 • 1 Comment

My friends, I know that I’ve been neglecting my blog for many weeks. At first it was because I was spending a lot of time with my new boyfriend, who has since turned into my fiance. Considering that 60% or more of my posts were about the single life, it should come as no shock to you that I ran out of material once I found a truly good guy. Then came searching for a condo, searching for a new job, buying a condo, moving, a car accident, walking out on my job, frantically looking for a new one, and a funeral.

Ah, the old Catch-22. When I have the time to write, there is nothing to write about. When I have lots of material, I have no time to write. Ce la vie, homies. Now that things are a little less hectic, I will try to catch up the journal.

THE CONDO

Well, I looked at several different condos in person, but many more online. The process took about 3 weeks or so. We ended up deciding on the very first one I saw in person! A good friend of mine ended up doing the same thing. (Only he had been looking for months, where as I looked for a month.) For some reason, not only was I really determined to find a place, but everything fell into place so quickly for me. It was a true pleasure. Not to mention not nearly the pain in the ass everyone made it out to be.

I love this place so much!! It is a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom with a sun room and the most beautiful kitchen. We are really happy here. It feels nice to finally be a home owner. And it feels even better to know that I paid less than it was appraised for. I really made out on the place! Paid $8K less and got $4K in closing costs. That is a savings of $12K. What a rush! It’s like a designer sample sale, only better.

The unpacking has been a bit slower than I would have liked. With all of the other circumstances that have come up, we didn’t have much free time. On the bright side, it is starting to come together. I really can’t wait until all the boxes are put away and the place is clean so that I can have my combonation house warming/ engagement party.

Then will come the redecorating. I plan to take my time and do as much of it as possible on a cash basis. There is no real need to get myself or my guy into debt over a coat of paint and a new duvet cover.

In reference to the title of this little entry, I was in the half of the sun room that we have decided to make into a home gym, clearing out the last two boxes I have to unpack. And it really surprized me to find a dead ladybug on the carpet. I just thought we were too high up for them (especially since all of the windows have screens.) Somehow she found a way to get into this place.

It really struck me because I did not think that I would be able to qualify for this place, but like my pretty little friend, I found a way in too.


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Fat Free Ranch is the most disgusting food ever invented…

•February 3, 2009 • 1 Comment

So my dear friends, it’s a month into the new year, do you know where your New Year’s Resolutions are? What did you promise you would do this year? Go back to school, pay off your credit card debt, or perhaps you wanted to take up skydiving? How are you doing on those goals? Are you sticking to it and working on them? Or have you packed up those ideas for next year already?

Like millions of Americans, I decided that my list would include losing weight. However, I did not start right away with the beginning of January. Sorry, but January 2nd is a little too close to the holidays to qualify as a good chance for me. At that point I am still having visions of sugarplums in my head and might still be a little drunk. So I waited for a while, mid January. I actually did really well for about a week and then completely fell of the wagon. This week I decided to try again. I have to admit that I am doing great so far this week, and I can see myself sticking to it more than last month.

The tricky part is that I am on a tigher budget than usual due to closing on my first condo. (Yay me!) This makes if a lot more difficult to start up a BIG BOLD PLAN. No extra money to buy fancy suppliments or diet food, no new gym memberships, tennis shoes or work out music from iTunes. I have to work with what I have. Add to that starting birth control, and the stress of buying a place and moving and I can tell you this is not goint to be easy.

Contrary to popular belief, I am starting to think that it might be a much better idea to start when you have a couple things going on. If we put off starting things until everything is perfect, we would all ending up Waiting for Godot. Nothing would ever get accomplished!

What have I discovered about myself so far this week?? I prefer Weight Watchers Smart Ones over Lean Cuisine, Quaker’s Weight Control Oatmeal does control my hunger, sugar free gum does not curb my cravings for sweets, and just like the title to this little entry…

FAT FREE RANCH IS THE MOST DISGUSTING FOOD EVER INVENTED!!!


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The Wonderland of New Mexico

•December 21, 2008 • 1 Comment

I am on the road to Sedona, Arizona to visit with my family for Christmas. We left Denver about 7:15 AM, which is about two hours later than I expected. But overall it was a smooth start. That early in the morning, there is hardly any traffic on the road. However, since I am used to eating by that time, I was already cranky by the time we hit Castle Rock. Instead of continuing with a play by play for the day, I am just going to list some of the highlights.

At lunch we ate at a restaurant called Johnny’s Mexican Kitchen in Las Vegas, New Mexico. The food was good, but the service was odd. My parents ordered fajitas, which come with guacamole, but the restaurant was out of guac. Too bad the waitress didn’t bother telling us it was out. We did get a discount, but it was still not a good thing not to mention. The waitress was pretty funny- but this is the first incident of the day that made me say WTF are people thinking. Her husband or boyfriend was there with her kids. I’m starting to wonder if the waitress was new, because why else would they be visiting her on a potenital money making day?? Anyway, her little girl was there throwing a fit!! I really wanted to wring her neck after a while, and I like little kids. Every five seconds it was. “”mama, I want mama.” she was crying like she had not seen her mother in weeks and it was loud and whiny and really bad. The dad was saying, “be quite honey, it will be ok” and other such nonsense. It did not work. This five year old was distrubing the entire restaurant and upset my stomach too!!

When fueling up on gas at a truck stop, the card reader would not take my dad’s card and the cashier had no idea how to key in the numbers because she had never done it before.

Then dinner. We ate at The Olympic Grill in Gallup, New Mexico. You know Gallup- even if you think you don’t. Heard of the Gallup Polls? That’s the place. My mom is very sensitive to hot food, she had ordered chicken wings with the mild sauce, I ordered the hot. The kitchen messed up and made two orders of the hot. What a way to screw up. If they had made mine mild, I could have used extra hot sauce on them. Unfortunately, no such luck. So the rest of the menu was not very appetizing and was over priced anyway. She decided on dessert- and ordered the blueberry pie. Two minutes later the waitress is back telling us that the restaurant is all out of blueberry. She had to settle for cherry. And then the waitress had the nerve to charge us for it. WTF????? This is the kind of place where the cashier had a margarita by the register.

Our hotel room has an actual key. Not a card, a key.

Some other things we saw on the road today: a baby’s car seat in the middle of the highway, one cross-eyed little girl with a mean temper, a couple on their way to Denver, and a restaurant with Denny’s quality food at Hacienda prices, and my mother’s impression of Shirley Temple.

Which by the way is so funny that I practically peed my pants.


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When friends break up with you

•December 1, 2008 • 1 Comment

As a single woman in her thirties still trying to find my piece of happiness in this world, I am prone to date now and again. If you follow this blog at all, you are sure to know that I have had some interesting adventures in dating, followed by some really stupid break ups. This blog is one that I have put off for a long time- in hopes of it having a different ending.

Earlier today I was e-mailing a guy that dumped me in October and talking to a friend on the phone. The contrast of a dear friend and a potential enemy got my mind got to wondering: Do friends break up too? Of course that question is more for effect than to actually be answered, because we all know that it happens. Friends come and go over the years, sometimes it’s a falling out, sometimes you gradually lose touch.

But some friendships end with no explaination, no purpose. If you go out with a date more than twice, society expects some sort of ending conversation, but you can be friends with someone for months and end it without saying a word. That should not be acceptable. I guess it boils down to one question: What are the break up rules when it comes to friends?

When I was in college I worked part time at a bank. I met a lot of cool women at this bank and most of them were around my age. We sometimes would go out in groups, not as a official work ievent, just as girlfriends. I’ve heard over the years that some of the women there are still friends 10 years later- in fact one of them even married another’s brother. During my time there I met a woman named Amy. The second I met her we clicked. Not in a lesbo way- we need to be perfectly clear about that. But it was just like we “got” each other. The teller that was training her even asked if we already knew each other because of the connection that was there. Amy and I started to hang out outside of work. Shopping and lunches, working out, even the occaisional clubbing. We always had a blast.

Amy also made friends with a woman at the bank named Elaine- not my type of friend at all. She was far too conservative for my taste, and was also quite racist. I started to bow out of group events she was included in because it was not worth my time to be involved with a ignorant bitch like that. After a while, Amy got pregnant and moved to San Diego to be with the father. We stayed in touch for a while- letters, Christmas cards. I even went to visit her. It just seemed to me like she was far more interested in staying in touch with Elaine, plus the baby took a lot of time too. I tried for a while, but over time we fell out of touch. I know that she stayed in touch with Elaine a lot longer than me. But that ending is not the bad one, just the back story.

This summer I joined facebook. I was instantly hooked!!! I also have a MySpace, but I prefer facebook so much more. One day either Amy found me or I found Amy. Either way it happened, we were very active on the site. We e-mailed and IM’d, gave each other flair, all the typical FB things. Then we moved on to phone calls. Then came the true test, we met for a face to face. It was like the years had not passed at all. We picked up right where we left off. I was so happy! I had missed her so much, and was truly sad when we drifted apart. We started spending time together and swore that we would never let anything pull us apart again.

I loved this woman!! E-mails, daily phone calls, exchanging all of our initimate details. She helped put my heart back to together and I thought I helped her achieve some strong footing too. Well, she met a man. At first nothing changed, we saw each other just as often as we had before him. I made him my FB friend- we did the double date thing with my boyfriend at the time. Eventually and slowly things began to change. She was calling me back less often, her e-mails were shorter, she basicaly disappeared from FB. We went over a month without seeing each other. Once she called when they were fighting, I rushed over and dropped all my plans to be supportive of my best friend.

Then one day it just stopped. No more calls, no more FB, no more e-mails. I tried to be patient. I would send messages & call. Not enough to be annoying, just enough to let her know that I am still here. But still, nothing. I finally sent one final message, begging her to be honest, begging her to respond.

Nothing.

So I removed her from FB and stopped trying. She fell off the face of the earth. Weeks go by and I miss her and I think about her and still nothing. Then, the day before my birthday she calls. I sent her an evite to my birthday party and she wants to know if it was a mistake. She talks about the guy and how he got better for a while but how things were still creepy. She apologized for everything she did. I told her how much she hurt me. She tried to explain. I told her it was ok, and I thought there was hope. She reqested to be my friend again on FB. I text message her and let her know she can bring guest to my party. But the phone call is the last I heard of her. Her facebook profile is deleted. I texted a couple of times, and I sent her an e-mail wanting to know what I did, wanting to know if she was ok, wanting to know if she was mad at me.

Why couldn’t she just break up with me? That would have been so much easier for me. Closure is a big thing. I loved her and she hurt me- once ten years ago when she picked a racist over me, and twice this year when she picked a man over me. I just need to give up and realize that she is one of those people that doesn’t have long term friendships. That I am not as important to her as she is/was to me.

The most important thing I can realize is that I have many other friends that truly do love me and would never leave without telling me why.


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Festivus for the rest of us………..

•November 16, 2008 • 2 Comments

I’ve heard the comment that it seems a little bit early, but Saturday night (November 15th) was my company’s “Christmas” party. Like most large companies, they no longer call the event as a Christmas Party, they even refuse to call it a Holiday Party. This is out of respect for those people that don’t celebrate any holidays. I find that hilarious!! Anyway, we have an party and it is called The Winter Event.

I have no boyfriend right now and had no prospects for a date, so I was going to take my friend Jennifer. She used to work for the same company so it would have been nice for her to see some of her old co-workers. However, on Wednesday she was rushed into emergency surgery. Since there was no chance she was going to make it, and I was not up for going alone, I posted an ad on Craig’s List to find a date.

I was expecting a lot of responses based on the location of our party. Our Winter Event has been held at the same location for the past three years: Invesco Field at Mile High. I was right. Considering the amount of time it was up I did get quite a lot of responses. Some jackass flagged the post – I’m guessing it was in reaction to me turning him down. After reading through the replies, one stood out above the rest. I asked to meet him for drinks on Friday night, to test the waters and see if we could get along well enough to go to the party.

Drinks led to dinner, dinner led to a movie, a movie led to him walking me to my car and a kiss goodnight. It was a nice night. He was sweet and cute and funny. The next evening was the party. He dressed in a suit and looked really hot. I wore a little black dress and looked beautiful. The party was buffet dinner, gambling tables, karaoke, and dancing. We had a great time.

He asked me up to his apartment afterwords and I really wanted to, but I resisted. I like this guy. I’m not sure how much I do yet and that is wonderful. I see potential in him, he is a gentleman and has the right stats for me. For those of you that follow my blog, you must have noticed that I have been falling for men far too fast recently. Who knows, the next time I see him, I might jump into bed with him. And I’m ok with that. It’s not the physical side I am worried about taking too fast, it is the emotional side. I want to get to know him before I get gaga over the guy. I’m not going to let myself get attached so quickly anymore.


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